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Why Should I

from I Know I Waited by Ascidzz

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This song speaks to the stage of the journey of the person who cares where he questions why he does what he does (being "good") if it's taken for granted. He's wrong for telling people they're crazy about how they actively think, and yet he is deemed crazy by the "institutions" and studious people as if he isn't actively telling them what he's doing for himself and that he does try. Noticing it, of course he battles with demons that encourage him to "the other side" but he knows that isn't him and that there must be more to it to see what he knows is possible. He knows he's different and has remained sensitive to his and others' angels. He would rather commit suicide than participate in contributing to a society that is negligent toward people who dream.

lyrics

Why should I have therapy
If none of you hearing me
Knowing all my life something wasn't right
That shit be tearing me

Staying up every night improving my life
I don't really care to sleep
Tell me about life, we are not the same
It was never fair for me

I already know I'm gone have to die
For you to cherish me
Still could give a fuck I know
All love is temporarily.

I've got so much strength in me
I never needed empathy
Besides I'm used to you using
That bullshit as an ends to meet.



All I'm doing is paying for talking
And I know where it leads
They gone try to tell me I'm crazy
And put those meds on me

You act like I'm not motivated
Or couldn't change if needed
I still get flashbacks of those days
When I was berated, beaten

Difference between me and you is
I don't be chasing demons
Difference between me and you is
I really faced my demons

Difference between me and you
Is I celebrate I'm breathing
Been done with crying
I just lie there staring blank in evenings.

Shout out to the outcasts
Who auditioned put their passion in it
Knew what was their path and went for it
They have the best intentions

You're the X Factor, an idol
And you don't have to win it
Laughing at the quitters in effort
'Cause they don't have it in them

Getting past your past is a battle
You can't just trash your memories
Adam taking licks of the apple
Wasn't a bad decision

Those With Ears hear hold your clapping
Let them attack my wisdom
They be so hype to react
They can't even relax to listen.

Why I'm in LA living lavish
They don't know half I've been through
We must get over the racket
But I still packed my tennis shoes





Why should I have therapy
If none of you hearing me
Knowing all my life something wasn't right
That shit be tearing me

Staying up every night improving my life
I don't really care to sleep
Tell me about life, we are not the same
It was never fair for me

I already know I'm gone have to die
For you to cherish me
Still could give a fuck I know
All love is temporarily.

I've got so much strength in me
I never needed empathy
Besides I'm used to you using
That bullshit as an ends to meet.




They gone keep
Testing tryna press me with all this fucking rage
Fuck 'bout your discomfort I know you ain't never been rubbed this way

Was much too patient
Letting my blood bubble with these fucking racists
Podcast politics, fucking hate it
All y'all can save it

Kept my glass half full
That means I wasn't drinking
Started processing the toxins
That means my stomach wakes up.

Intuition giving me warnings
I had to pause and wait up
Sometimes I have to give credit
To my own constellations

Laughs on Facebook.
I was 12 they still tell me I'm out of line
Ask why I'm crying
Act like they don't know every time

They say I'm just whining
Meanwhile they told me they were listening
I just say yes and dismiss them, sick of fucking trying

Thinking of fucking dying
Told Katie I'm done with suicide
But truly I can't take it
And I know what to do this time.

Full of rhymes, you entertain your demons But be juking mine
Lost so many friends I'm surprised I can use my spine.

credits

from I Know I Waited, released April 8, 2022

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Ascidzz Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

First-born out of Philly, I make music for the introvert.

#TWELFTHS

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